


Trade All My Tomorrows (For Just One Yesterday)

by Xqueenie



Series: Thorki Oneshot Collection [1]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst out the wazoo, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-25
Updated: 2015-01-25
Packaged: 2018-03-09 00:15:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3228968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xqueenie/pseuds/Xqueenie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>"Don't leave me."</em>
</p><p>---</p><p>In which Thor pours his heart out, and I wonder what the fuck I'm doing up at 4AM writing heart-wrenching angst with poor plot setups and crying.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trade All My Tomorrows (For Just One Yesterday)

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: poor plot setup loosely based on AOU because I wrote this at 4AM and I could give absolutely no fucks. I really just needed an excuse for Thor to pour his heart out. 
> 
> ([please consider donating to this Gofundme for me and my girlfriend to get together](https://www.gofundme.com/ncany2jw) )
> 
> I am also now taking requests for [writing commissions!](http://xandraqueen.deviantart.com/journal/Writing-Commissions-573834778) Follow me on [tumblr](http://xandraqueen.tumblr.com) or watch me on dA to submit requests!

Finally, it has come to this. Everything that had happened in the past had lead up to this moment, and Thor would give everything he had to go back and stop this fate from happening.

Ultron's army had flooded the earth like a new plague, after his programming went haywire. This battle had been raging on Earth for almost a week straight now. The Avengers were all but spent; bloody, beaten, frayed and exhausted. Thor had nearly forgotten what the hell they were even fighting anymore.

 _One last chance, guys_ , he heard Stark say over their comm devices, _hold out for just a bit longer._

 _We can't fight any longer, Stark,_ came the voice of Steven. _Banner's down for the count and we're all running low on ammunitions. These guys aren't going down this easy._

Thor, exhausted himself, made the mistake of paying more attention to what was going on with the others than what was around him. One of the bots would have gotten him by surprise, but something caught it off guard before it got to him. It exploded into chunks of useless debris. After Thor removed his arm from where he'd been shielding his eyes, he was met with an unbelievable sight.

"Loki." The name choked him. He was dead, he couldn't be here. He watched him die-- a trick. A filthy trick, to torture him, no doubt. He thought it was anger bubbling up in his gut, but the tears burning behind his eyes said otherwise; this was more than anger. This was anguish, frustration, fury and most of all, unbridled disappointment.

Loki stepped forward (wearing his armour and helmet of all things), brandished Grungnir, and blasted away half of the robot army. His face was blank, and he didn’t look at Thor at all. The others, scattered around the blood-soaked battlegrounds, turned to watch as Loki single-handedly laid waste to the bots they had been trying to best for days. They were all feeling a mixture of shock, relief, and bewilderment all at the same time. Even Ultron was no match for the stone-faced god of lies. Loki blasted him to splinters like he was a child's toy, before turning to face The Avengers.

"...well, that was tedious."

They were all silent. Then, Clint gave voice to what they were all thinking: "What the fuck."

"Loki." Thor repeated. "You were dead. How could you-"

"I have no energy nor patience to explain myself to you, Thor." Loki's previously blank expression broke, and he winced. "I am in need of a bit of assistance."

Thor's face twisted when he saw the blood staining an unprotected spot on Loki’s side. "You're hurt."

Loki snorted. "Ay, tis a scratch. I'll just need a healer soon." He once again reverted back to an indifferent expression... for about two seconds. Then, he doubled over and crumpled to the ground with a pained moan. On instinct, Thor rushed to him, but paused when he envisioned the last time this happened. Loki was just faking, again. Now, it was Thor's turn to become stone-faced.

"Enough with the dramatics, Loki. You have the spotlight, is that not enough for you?"

"Ouch," Loki hissed between shudders, "such bitterness-- have you no love in your heart for your dying little brother?"

"I have seen you die enough times, it effects me no longer. Get up."

"I cannot. The bastard's bent on taking me with him."

Thor growled. "I mean it, Loki!"

"Uh, Thor, he's not kidding." Thor whirled around to Stark, who was still in his tattered suit, now walking over to Loki. "He musta got stuck with some fresh vibranium when he blew up Ultron-- who knows what that's gonna do to him. We gotta get him t--"

Thor had never shouted for Heimdall faster.

\---

Days. It had been days since Thor brought Loki back to Asgard, in hopes of getting him to the healers in time. He hadn't noticed how thin Loki had gotten, nor how sunken his eyes were. He was malnourished, as if he hadn't eaten much for the past few months.

"He was weak to begin with," the Matron had explained, "and this strange metal seems to be toxic to his blood."

"Will he be alright?" As much as he wanted to be worried, he remained conflicted. If this was a trick-

"We do not know. It has been a very long time since anyone here has tried to heal a Jotun from something like this."

For days, Thor neither slept nor ate. He couldn't tell if this clenching feeling in his gut was worry for Loki's health, anger that he was alive yet again, or something else entirely.

Loki seemed to get better one night, before he became worse than he had ever been before. Thor refused to leave his bedside. When the healers had done all they could do, they allowed Thor to be alone with his brother. He took Loki's pale, bony hand and clutched it as if he were trying to keep Loki from falling into that abyss all those years ago.

"It seems like an eternity now," Thor mumbled to himself, absent-mindedly stroking the back of Loki's hand, "Loki, I don't know why you do anything you do. I don't even pretend to know why you would need to lie to me all the time, when I have done nothing but forgive you. If there is any forgiveness left in my body, I could not find it." Until now.

Thor looked at Loki’s face, his eyes pained with dried tears and with exhaustion. "All this time, whenever we fought, I..." he found a few familiar words: "I did so with a sliver of hope that deep down, underneath all your rage and confusion, that you were still _you_. That you were still the Loki I knew-- my brother, blood be damned. And..."

The words caught in his throat. Looking down at Loki’s death-like state, Thor felt like this was the only chance he had to lay everything on the table. If for once, the Norns were kind, perhaps this speech would act as a begging prayer. To get his brother back. Thor would give anything to have that. He pressed his forehead into Loki's limp hand, leaning his elbows on the bed and hunching over it like it was the only thing that mattered.

"And... And I want you back. I would give anything-- my power, my claim to the throne, Mjolnir,  my life even-- to be able to turn back the clock."

Thunder rumbled outside. He ignored it.

"I would go back and I would jump after you when the Bifrost breaks. I would plunge after you into that abyss and I would hold you as we fell, so you would not think yourself alone. I would fight at your side, where I belong. I would go back and fight for your freedom, so you would not need to pretend to die."

Loki's hand got colder.

"Don't leave me," the whimper was so soft, he wasn't even sure he'd actually said it aloud, "please, come back... I love you. I love you in every single way a person can be loved. Don't go where I cannot go with you-- please come back, please..." the rest came out as incoherent, hopeless little sobs, all along the lines of "come back" and "please don't go". It took a moment for him to notice the hand softly stroking his hair.

"Would you mind not blowing your nose in my hand? That's just disgusting."

Thor choked on another sob and reared up, yanking Loki into his arms and cradling his head to his chest. _Whomever was out there who listened... thank you._

"Don't you ever do that to me again." Thor mumbled, nuzzling into Loki's hair.

Loki managed a hoarse chuckle. "Only if you'll be easy on my ribs."

After muttering a quick apology, Thor loosened his grip, but kept holding Loki. "How much of that did you hear?"

"Most of it, I'm sure..." Loki wasn't sure what to do. He wasn’t quite expecting Thor to cling to him for this long, but he had to admit... he felt warm and safe in those beefy arms, so he was going to stay as long as he damn well liked. "...that night on the bridge. Would you really have jumped after me?"

Thor nodded and kisses his head. "If I had known how alone it would make you feel, and how you would hate me? I would never have let you go."

"I don't hate you." Loki had meant to keep that to himself.

"You faked your own death."

"If I hadn't, the Allfather would have thrown me back in the dungeon to rot." When Thor pulled back and opened his mouth to protest, Loki cut him off. "Oh, don't play the fool. No matter how much you preached to him about how I "changed", it would not have changed the charges brought against me. Death would have been my only escape."

Thor sighed and took his brother's cheek in hand, caressing it gently with his thumb. "We will put this behind us. We will start fresh from where we are now, and you will have the chance for your freedom once again."

"But let me guess--"

"No more chaos. No more killing or evil or starting wars. And most of all, no more lies, especially to me."

Loki sighed, "You cannot save me with some pretty-please-promise, Thor. I am beyond saving."

"No," Thor said firmly, "I have lost you too many times already, I'm not giving up now. If I lose you once more my heart will give out." With this, he took hold of Loki's neck and looked him straight in the eye. "Loki, I meant it. I love you."

Loki could only stare back, confused and almost in tears himself. "I... Thor, I can't-"

"You can't what, you can't love me?"

"N-no, I mean-"

"You want to go back to the dungeons, to never see me again, is that it?" Thor was getting angry, and he knew it.

Loki was crying now. "Thor, please-"

"I love you!" Thor grabbed his shoulders, angry tears searing his already irritated eyes. "Say something to that! Tell me you do not love me at least, then we can at least move on! Tell me you hate me and I will put you back in your safe little cell and you will never have to see me again!"

"I can't!"

"YOU CAN'T WHAT?!"

"I CAN'T GO BACK!" Loki's voice cracked, and he crumpled into himself, his face in his hands. "I-I can't go back... to the way things were before Odin cast you out, I can't..." Thor only looked at him in confusion, and he sighed. "I love you too, Thor. But not in the way I loved you before. Things changed, after I saw you with that Earth woman. For the longest time, I thought it was resentment. Anger. Frustration, with you and with Odin both for abandoning me emotionally. I thought this up until I saw you about to be killed, then I could deny it no longer."

"Wait, you mean...?"

He took a deep breath and looked down at the sheets instead of at Thor. "I love you, idiot. I mean I really love you. I want to be yours, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, and all that bullshit."

Without warning, Loki found himself pulled up against Thor's warm chest and Thor's lips capturing his.

Oh, what the hell.

Kissing back was probably the best choice he'd made in his life.

 


End file.
